“Now’s the time to live from the inside out rather than the outside
in”. ?More and more people are showing us how to identify and eliminate judgments that we incorporated from outside influences ?that no longer serve us. All our lives we try to shape ourselves from the outside in by following entrenched judgmental beliefs like I’m not lovable, I always lose, I’m not smart enough, I don’t deserve a brilliant life, Men / women can’t be trusted, If I have enough money I’ll be happy….
To live life from the inside out is tricky because we’re surrounded by others’ judgments about what a life is supposed to look like, our own ?judgments?that we took on as?naive?children, as well as the judgments we’ve accumulated as adults. ?The habit of judging runs deep.
Everything is so labeled and tightly wound, we can’t even walk down the street without?causing?a judgment to arise in ourselves or someone else. ?And the judgments, of course, are conflicting! ?If you help someone you’re co-dependent or you’re generous and doing what Jesus would do. ?If you act with passion you could be considered crazy or a strong leader, and it would be different if you’re male, female or gay or straight. ?If you stay up all night writing a plan or join a network marketing group, you could be judged (or judge?yourself)? brilliant or going off on one of your wild dreams. ? If you are in a gay relationship you are being who you are or you are the devil’s spawn.?Judgments?happen every day, with almost every breath. ?So exhausting! ?And so much to judge! ?Not only do we judge people and their words, actions, choices, clothes, friends, facebook posts, blog posts, habits, and religion but we judge our own. ?Then we judge different products, TV shows, characters on shows, books, movies, music; articles, politicians, laws, art, sports teams, etc. ? And we have hundreds of talking head shows making?judgments?about thousand of events and people, and we judge their judgments. ?Whew. ?But wait, there’s more – thousands of judgments are given about what foods to eat and how they help or hurt us; how to parent; ?how to do relationships, get along at work; exercise, etc..
With all that judging going on, our sweet, deep, individual, amazing, unique Self ?is reduced to a wisp of faint energy barely able express through a gigantic, 100 story wall of barriers, resistance, shoulds, beliefs, eye rolls, cultural or?religious?morals, sarcasm, ?and fear – all judgments.
I piled all that on to give you and me a sense of the enormity of judging that goes on every moment of our lives.
Dr. Dain Heer?says every time you judge you contract your world. And rather than judging, ask a question. ?”What?s it going to take to change this? ?Is there anything I can do to make it better?” That’s being conscious and expanding your world, and cracking open the walls.
My Co-Active Coaching model uses a foundation of curiosity which is a huge asset to clients. ?Curiosity helps chisel chinks into the wall of judgment and fear. ?I was?working?with someone yesterday who wanted to talk about creating a new career that she loved. ?But all I heard was discouragement in her voice. ?What do we usually do? ?Judge that emotion as wrong!!!!! ?We say, “I should get rid of this discouragement. ?This feeling has got to go. ?Bad feeling. Bad feeling. ?Judge, judge, judge”. ?So, what did I do? ?We spent 20 minutes being?curious?about this feeling. ?And not judging it. ?We allowed it to be and then it diminished.
Living from the inside out requires a relinquishing of judging and the acquisition of curiosity, so the walls of resistance come down.?Imagine walking through the day without judging yourself or others – how freeing that is.
Notice judgments you make about others and yourself; and that others have towards you or someone else. ?What is it to judge? ?How does it feel to judge??Notice when you’re not judging, what are you doing and how does it feel? I challenge us to be?curious?about judgments as a first step to creating from the inside out.