How do you know when it’s the end of the line for work with a teacher, coach, trainer, or other leader?  Or when it’s the end of the line for your business, career, or the path you’re on?  I’m sure you can name several signals and markers.  Let’s start with these:

The obvious:  the class is complete, the tests are graded, the coaching process with the agreed upon results is achieved, the baby is born, the divorce is final, etc.

The not always obvious:
The arc is complete.  I have clients where we are going gangbusters, and then we hit a few sessions where the energy is less, the edginess is gone.  We look and poke and ask questions, and sometimes choose to end the relationship.  It’s time for a different mentor.

Your coach’s or trainer’s blessing is complete.  As a life purpose coach, I teach that each of us has a unique purpose that is expressed as an essence (like radiating love or peace or truth); a blessing which is the thing you do in the world (like find a problem and fix it; or nurture new beginnings, or help people find their path), as well as a mission and message.  Your coach has a blessing – the thing they are best designed to do.  When you have received your coach’s or teacher’s blessing, it’s time to let go.  It feels over, less effective.

You’ve been hanging on for a long time without sparks or energy or good results.  You’ve gone a few quarters that are flat and it looks flat in the future.  You don’t look forward to your week, or the work on your plate.  You are making mistakes on your job- getting sloppy.  You find yourself envious of others who are doing what you desire to do or have more of – freedom, challenge, love, etc. It may be time to let go rather than time to make it work.

When you begin something, get a good idea of your exit strategy.  What are the criteria for completion?

What are your clues for finally crossing the end of the line?

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” Henry David Thoreau

“Don’t ask what the world needs.  Ask what makes YOU COME ALIVE (my caps) and go do it.  Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Howard Thurman

The quest for fulfillment and possibility calls all of us several time during our lives.  As children, every year is a quest filled with new learning and edges as we crawl, walk, talk, read,  taste new foods; learn about numbers,  history, nature, physics; and about parents, siblings, pain, joy and video games.  We grow up to choose a career, friends and intimate relationships, whether to have our own children or not, and on and on.

As adults, our lives often become less adventurous and more about being prudent, healthy, and following all the rules we’ve internalized.  Eventually, we outgrow our status quo and must begin a new quest for fulfillment or we will “explode” with frustration, pent up desire, or illness.

You KNOW it’s quest time when you experience any of these symptoms:

* Work that was fulfilling is no longer
* You dread getting up and going to work
* You should be happy with everything, but you’re not
* Your long-time lover just left or you just left your lover
* Your health and vitality have diminshed
* Your life has taken on a predictability that is stifling rather than comforting
* You have dishonored one or more high priority values long enough and it’s time to express them  before you explode
* You ache, you long, and you may or may not be able to put your finger on what’s missing

Where do you begin? You begin where you’re at. You begin with love.  Love what’s here before you go on a quest for what’s not here yet.  Do not be afraid of or angry about where you’re at.  Allow and love the not job state; the extra 40,60,100 pounds; the mixed up relationship; the unpaid bills. Sit down next to your fears and have coffee with them. Just own them.  Love your ability to create.  Resisting what is tends to keep it in place.

I truly love to work with women who are on a quest of fulfillment, spirituality, and letting their brilliance finally and fully emerge.  I’ve been on physical quests up mountains and biking across the country.  I’ve been on healing, spiritual and and career / fulfillment quests. I’ve been on educational quests for knowledge.  I still take large and small quests.  Contact me for an exploration session about your quest – and join me on one of the Awakening to Your True Purpose calls.

Graphic: Through the Desert © Stiven | Dreamstime.com

Winter Stillness

Baby's First Steps

We, on the other hand, have managed to cram our lives so full we do not take time to savor much of anything. So, I invite you to pause right now, get present to your surroundings, take a deep breath and savor the air going into and out of your body. OK. Now notice what’s around you. Savor your surroundings as if you’d been to the moon for the past year and you just returned to your earthly life. Immerse yourself into something you haven’t really savored in a while.

Now consider who you are and savor you. Your experiences, your body, your wealth (whether it be great or not), your relationships, your wisdom…. Take time to place your attention on who you are in all your uniqueness. Savor and relish your you-ness.

Good! Getting present through savoring has the potential to foster peace, serenity, connections that go deep, love, joy….So, go savor life, and let me know what you discover.

I spent a wonderful 6 days with family in Georgia for Carol and Don’s wedding held on Christmas day. Why that day? My mother-in-law eagerly took the mike at the reception to explain the tradition. She and her husband met on Christmas day at church, and got married 2 years later on Christmas day.

The snow started falling at about 8 AM on Christmas and continued until evening.  In Georgia, mind you! We stayed at this restored, historic inn at Cavesprings, Georgia.  An old church and school building on the property were also ours to use, and we did! The minister, who lived an hour away, couldn’t make it through the snow, so he called in on a cell phone which we held up to a microphone to perform the ceremony.  I’ll bet it’s the first marriage like it in the history of Georgia!

Can you imagine being the bride and sewing your own wedding dress – finishing it hours before the wedding? Being the groom and volunteering to be sous chef to your Cordon Bleu trained soon-to-be step daughter – running to the store for forgotten items and cooking and cooking and cleaning for 3 days?  And having the wedding in a small town an hour and a half away?  Having family pour in from all over the country?  Renting an inn with space for about 18 people comfortably and expecting 25?  Having it snow in Georgia for the first time in as long as anyone can remember in December?  Having the minister snowed in?  The photographer not able to make it?  Preparing an entire feast with turkey, ham, potatoes, soup, macaroni and cheese, stuffing, salad, sweet apples, sweet potatoes and moving it along with the wedding party and friends to the wedding site?  Arrive at the inn 12 hours after you planned and getting the church decorated and the sound system set up just in time?  And the flower bouquets you made a day ago froze or dried up and wilted?

The bride and groom took all the setbacks in stride.  The wedding planner improvised and improvised – make new bouquets 10 min before;  best man, you’re now the photographer; nephew, you’re the new best man. Yes, you can fit into your uncle’s black suit! Your new white shirt fits the groom, can he use it?  Minister, we’ll do the ceremony by cell phone. Let’s move these pedestals across the grounds into the church because the arch we rented couldn’t fit in the car with all the food and people.  And borrow some decorations from the inn to spruce them up. And we’ll spend an extra night here so we don’t have to drive back in the dark in the snow.

My son said it was the best wedding he’s ever been to and I agree. It was a joyous, creative, dance in the moment, never to be forgotten, big event.  Not boring. The details were messy, and the spirits were high, and in the end, Don and Carol were married at one of their favorite places and the whole family was part of the wedding, reception, and clean up. Even more important – we created something together, got over the upsets, showed the young adults and children how a positive, peaceful, loving family can work together to solve just about anything.

What if I could live every day like that – rolling with the punches, being grateful for what works, celebrating the light and love of family, improvising and moving on, and laughing and forgiving.  Sounds like good ground to stand on for a new year.

The third key to a breakthrough, to making something change that is stuck, is to stake your claim on that breakthrough; name it and describe how it looks, feels, smells, tastes, and sounds in the future.  Check that your breakthrough goals honor the values you clarified in the second key. And commit to it with no back door escape route.

You may not know what each step is to get there, or how to do any of them.  Well, did you know how to talk when you were born?  Read?  Walk?  Fix computers or write novels or drive a car?  You took years to get there and you had no idea how to do it before you took the first step. But you held a vision, a goal, and a commitment. And you got back on the path. You all already know all this – this is just a reminder, and the key that helps me and my clients is to commit and lock the escape door.
The new year is obviously a good time for declaring breakthroughs and goals – like throwing a rope over the top of the peak and then using it to pull yourself up.  If, like everyone at some time, you find or make an escape door,  I can support you to hold to that commitment.

Mini-Coaching:  Clearly state what your breakthrough is – what is in place so you know it is done?  The clearer it is, the more solutions your brain can associate with it.  Why do you want it?  And why is that important?  What’s the first step?

What’s your breakthrough goal?

Today’s key is know who you are, now, at this time, not yesterday or 10 years ago.  After clearing out the clutter is a great time to assess where you are and what you value now.   What do YOU value this November day of 2011?  Values are not morals, they are a sense of what lights you up from within.  They are your deepest motivators, what really make you tick.  They give your life meaning and relevance.  They are an inner framework of how you make choices.  They are not things, principles, or tangible.

When you don’t honor your values, your experience is painful.  A common “disease” of my clients is “hypo-valuation” – one or more values are being under-honored.   Symptoms are unease, frustration, anger, fist shaking, blame, doubt, aimlessness.  Doctors can’t cure this, but you can become aware of what’s missing and take action to change what’s not working.  Your breakthrough comes in revealing the quality of values that you espouse at this time, not yesterday or 0 years ago when you took that job or made that choice, and finding ways to honor them.  Values don’t change that much over time, but how we honor them may change.  I value belonging, and for 20 years it was honored with my family.  As my children grew, I found other ways to honor belonging at this stage in my life.

Stay tuned for the next breakthrough, now that you’re all cleared out and complete, and you’re aware of values that need to show up today.

Mini coaching:

You can find your values by being a detective.  Notice what makes you joyful, relaxed, eager, full of anticipation.  Notice who’s there, what you and they are saying and doing.   Values are being honored here.  Next, notice what you feel angry, frustrated, tense about.  What do you wish you’d never have to deal with again?  Usually one or more values are being thwarted in these situations.  Finally, when you make a choice, it’s guided by a value underneath it.  See if you can detect the value that’s driving a powerful choice.  Keep track of incidents for a week or two and see what you discover about your values.

Sweep away the old, worn out, useless ideas and papers and files.  Open the windows and doors of your mind and clear out the clutter. Feel the fresh autumn air in all the open spaces.  Ahhhh!!!! You can breathe again!  You can see the top of your desk.  Your children can see you – they’ve been looking for you under all those papers.  

What’s important in your life that it is so worth clearing out the clutter to make space in your mind, heart and home for?   Come on over to my blog to post a reply.  Thanks!

Stay tuned for the next breakthrough, now that you’ll be all cleared out and complete.

Love - Purpose - Presence - Choice

There are four cornerstones of peace. Presence, love,  purpose and choice fold in among themselves like bread dough is kneaded to become a single entity – one Peace. Presence – the peace of  breath, light, experience, and life. Love -  the never-ending gentle connection with oneself, God, another in relationship. Purpose – aligning one’s attention and energies with what we’re best designed to do – getting the soul and ego to dance together.  Choice -  the freedom to choose perspective, responses and actions.  All these are one Peace.

Mini Coaching Session:

What moves or inspires you about John’s Imagine song?  About the notion of peace?  To what degree do you experience peace (scale of 1-10 where 10 is loads of peace every day)?  What is one inspired action you will take in the next 24 hours to bring more peace into your life?  What will you do on a daily basis?  What’s the price you pay for rarely dipping into the well of peace?   Please leave a comment.

Anyway, my eucalyptus inspired  today’s article.  I worked with several clients today who are shedding their current identities (what we believe, what we love and fear, our values, what we’re willing to express in the world) and restoring long lost ones or creating new ones. The new brilliant identities are bright, eager, a little shy or scared – they’ve been under the bark of more familiar, weathered, and  hardened identities for years, decades, a lifetime.  Or they are just being created anew.  Nature continues to let go of what’s done, recycle it, and nurture new beginnings.  We also do that through shedding identities that are no long big enough to hold who we are becoming.   The changed identity shows up in new actions, words, choices, relationships, and beliefs.  Just like our bodies grow and change every year,  our identity changes.  Perhaps we are too slow to change it once we become adults.  We forget that growth can happen all through life.

What brilliant new identity is ready to shove the current one to the side and show up for you?  I invite you to leave a comment.

I spent three days just south of the San Francisco airport at a seminar with Jeff Slayter and Kane Minknus, http://jeffandkane.com/, two passionate trainers bringing their brilliance to service professionals as well as Fortune 500 companies.  They are an example of a unique brilliance plus passion meeting the world’s need. Their passion is to free people up from negative beliefs and pattenrs in order to get on with making the difference they want to make with their business.  Their brilliance is their experience as entrepreneurs, coaches and consultants; their practiced presence in front of a room, and practical and useful steps to change.

Here’s one great insight I learned from Jeff and Kane: we are far more entangled in old family patterns, unconscious decisions, and limiting beliefs than we realize. This snarl of beliefs, history, genetics and more is called our ecology.  It acts like a rubber band snapping us back into our status quo whenever we dare to take on something so audacious as to live the life we want.  Perhaps we desire love, abundance, peace, and success and our ecology is about scarcity, no self-worth, fear,failure, or being the doormat.  Until we take steps to soften the pull of our ecology on us as we step out into our full life we will find ourselves on our butts back where we started.  An example of this – 80% of people who win the lottery are either dead or broke within five years – because their ecology could not expand to allow that much wealth – they were too different from family and friends and their own deeply held beliefs.

I won’t go into all the ways to relieve the pull of ecology on us as we seek our desires, but here is a step in the process – becoming aware.

* Whenever you act a certain way in a certain situation notice what you do, what you think, and what you say to yourself or others.  For example, in the seminar there were opportunities to work with Jeff and Kane in the front of the room. Being up there would be personally very enlightening.  However, I sat glued to my chair.  I clenched up – with tightness in my chest, feet planted on floor.  I remember that same feeling whenever I get in front of a room, way back to 1st grade show and tell. Any of you ever like that?

* Next, ask yourself, “What are the beliefs of someone acting and feeling like this?” Jot down several of them.  In the example above, someone who stayed in their chair instead of take an opportunity could be afraid of being found out, afraid of not looking good, not believe they deserve it, afraid to be in a place of not knowing something, afraid of ridicule, believe they are shy, feel ashamed….and more.

* Pick the one or ones that most resonate and notice where else it shows up in life.  Get acquainted and curious.

I  invite you to take this further and contact me to take on ways to move through these beliefs to unleash your brilliance in the world.

What are your dreams, desires and/or goals – the ones that come from your heart?  Leave a comment.